Today I feel it my duty to impart some more of my invaluable advice to you. As I keep trying to tell you lot, publishing is a tough world but above all it`s a business. And the first rule of business is supply and demand. Now what you Muppets don`t understand is there is too many books out there. (Particularly Indie rubbish} In fact there`s a positive glut. This is the reason why you cannot even give your stuff away. In the process of creating a European book mountain you`re also undermining my livelihood. It`s my job to sort out the wheat from the chaff and believe you me there`s a hell of a lot of chaff. (Shit) out there.
Now I would really appreciate it if you so called writers could find some other way of wasting your time. Go and create some crop circles or play marbles on the motorway. Can`t you see that you`re nothing more than a snivelling bunch of literary retards desperately seeking reviews and two figure sales. You haven`t a snowballs chance in hell so stop chasing dreams and losing your lives in abject disappointment.
Nobody`s interested in any of your garbage. Above all friends and family who embarrassed at your feeble attempts at acclaim. Leave it to the professionals. (ME!)
Anyhow enough of me. I`ve got bills to pay, mooring fees, Gaucho membership and my mistresses flat needs redecorating.
"Tarquin! Is that ice cooler working yet?"