"Tarquin! Fetch me the W.D.40. My chair won`t swivel."
Traditional publishing is even more relevant in this day and age and I`ll explain why. I bet you bunch of retards have got so many digital photos that you cannot remember where they all are. All peppered over your hard drive, lost in U.S.B. sticks and sitting dormant in other hardware devices. You so called Indie writers are equally disorganised. You`ve got various versions of your masterpiece scattered all over the place. But what you don`t know is where your definitive piece lies because it does not exist in hardcopy. O.K. so you`ve got manuscripts with red lines and scribbling all over them but none of this readable let alone sellable.
This is where me and my team of experts come in. "No Tarquin, that`s hairspray!"
I produce high quality, grammatically perfect and correctly formatted pieces for the literary intelligentsia to savour. Where as you lot pump out digital dots and dashes which are indecipherable to anybody other than yourselves. Now I don`t want to piss on your parade but do yourselves a favour and stop worshipping your own rectums. Once again, I cannot state this anymore clearly. Leave it to the professionals. (ME!)
Now, if you lot would kindly leave me alone I`ve got to fill in my lottery tickets.
"Tarquin, where`s my pen. No, not the red one!"