"Tarquin, why is this glass dirty?"
It`s out of the kindness of my heart that I choose to impart my valuable knowledge to you, so sit up and listen. It`s come to my attention that those damn Amazonites have another dastardly trick up their sleeves to undermine my livelihood. I`m talking, of course, about their Createcrap site. A place where you unprofessional retards can make a piss poor hardcopy of your third rate manuscripts. Not content with creating an Ebook revolution they`ve also decided to trample over my home turf. Now, I`m all for a level playing field but this is a step too far. For the price of a packet of fags. (banned un P.C. nicotine stuff) you can convert your digital nonsense into a real paperback. Where will it all end!
Well let me make it clear, I don`t give a jot. Never have done, never will do. Go ahead, order a 5,000 run of your dystopian garbage. Then what are you going to do with them. How about building a nuclear fall out shelter from unsold paperbacks. Perhaps you could curl up inside and write a load more garbage which nobody`s interested in.
You poor misguided fools. Leave this serious stuff to the professionals. (ME!). You`re all deluded thinking you can create anything approaching the quality that I command. Don`t give up your day jobs.
Anyhow I`ve let you lot into enough trade secrets. I haven`t the time to continually wet nurse you bunch of wannabes who don`t know the difference between a hyphen and a hymen.
Until the next time,
"Tarquin! Pass me another box of rejection slips."